As I have been away from China for more than a year, I thought that things would have improved a bit when I returned recently.

Unfortunately not.

As I try to settle down again, re-visit our favourite spots and re-start the old engine to communicate in Chinese again, I’m also reminded of the things I do not miss about mainland China:

1. HOCKING & SPITTING
Spitting almost anywhere and anytime is the most disgusting habit in my book. Imagine this: you’re walking along the street like any normal person would. Suddenly, the old man in front of you clears his throat and hocks out a spit right on the street AND continues walking!

Then, the two ladies who are walking on the other side also decide something’s bugging her throat and goes KUAAAGGGG!!! and PTOOOI…YUCK!!!

There is absolutely no warning and you find disgusting clumps of spit (if you care to look) in the lifts, on the pavement, on the road and of course, in the grass.

Can you believe that even the little kids like to do it? I was quite upset when the boy came home one day and started hocking and spitting after school. I immediately told him to put a stop to it!

Now, he knows how to avoid spit when he’s walking…

2. FIGHTING TO PAY THE BILL
You can find this old habit among most of the mainland Chinese and other Chinese around the world. When a Chinese takes you out for a meal, he/she will be embarrassed if you paid the bill. Thus, they will refuse your offer effusively, sometimes violently (!) by grabbing your hands as you reach for your purse or wallet LOL

I once had to wrangle with one of the Chinese maids when she refused to accept payment for a few hours of work at my place. I was so happy at how well she cleaned up the place that I paid her slightly extra – guess that was the problem.

I couldn’t let her leave empty-handed that I tried hard to stuff the money into her pockets but she grabbed the money and pushed it towards my bewildered little boy, who was amused and confused by our little “tussle”.

In the end, I managed to stuff the money in her handbag when she ran out of the apartment and yelled at the boy to quickly run into the apartment and shut the door! He was quite excited but when he opened the door later to check, he found the money on the floor and said, “Oh-no, Auntie don’t want the money!” Sigh.

Sounds ridiculous? It’s actually quite a common sight at Chinese restaurants over here

3. OBSSESSION WITH CLEANLINESS
Considering that the Chinese spit in public, rub their fingers on the walls after blowing their nose, allow their kids to pee everywhere and throw litter everywhere, I find it *really funny* that they are obsessed with cleanliness.

Seriously, if you visit a Chinese home, you’ll be impressed by squeaky clean floors and windows, sparkling kitchen top, air purifiers, dish sterilizers and all sorts of cleaning agents on sale.

They’ve got covers for their rice cookers, washing machines, even hot tub covers!

They find eating with fingers absolutely disgusting – the KFC’s and McDonald’s here supply disposable plastic gloves for every serving of fried chicken or chicken wings that you buy. Gosh, I think they even wear these disposable plastic gloves when they bite into a hamburger!

Isn’t it ridiculous that they are so clean with their food and their homes yet they have absolutely no care or concern for cleanliness outside their homes???

Hopefully, they’ll learn that it’s important to be “beautiful on the outside and on the inside“.
4. NOISE, NOISE, NOISE
My Chinese mum once commented,

“A Chinese is noisy from the day they are born to the day they get married until the day that they die.”

I find the deafening shopping mall music that competes with individual stores’ loud music and the generally loud manner of Chinese talking with each other such an assault on my nerves that I avoid a particular mall on weekends and prefer to go for malls that are less crowded and less noisy.

Currently, we live in an apartment, which faces a busy main street with a bus stop – you can imagine the din the honking cars, buses and motorbikes make during the day and night! Even the baby wakes up from sleep whether it’s during the day or night.

I’m *praying* really hard that we can find a similarly-priced apartment in a more peaceful location we can move into soon…

5. LACK OF PRIVACY
With a population of 1.3 people,I truly sympathise with the Chinese’ lack of privacy. Unless they are very, very rich, they live in cramped spaces and can see and hear almost everything that goes on in each others’ households.

Due to this, they don’t seem to understand the concept of “personal space“. It’s quite common to find the local Chinese talk to you within just 5-6 inches of your face Honestly, I had to gently push a preschool teacher away from me when she spoke to me – another preschool teacher whispered to her that foreigners don’t like to be that close. She apologized but I said it’s OK, now she knows…

Also, you may find super Snoopy Chinese who think nothing about walking into your apartment and going into each of your bedrooms to survey your place! Seriously, I found it really rude (esp when I had piles of unfolded laundry in my boudoir LOL) but a helpful Chinese friend told me it’s nothing to them but she did tell that friend to be a bit more respectful.

The worst is when they have personal problems: Hubby once saw a woman yell at and slap her cheating husband’s face in a restaurant (he was still checking SMSes from his mistress in front of her). I have witnessed several women sobbing loudly as they break up with their lovers (you can hear the conversation quite clearly) at KFC, McDonald’s or along the corridors of shopping malls…

Since I’m quite tired out from writing about the first 5 worst habits, you’ll have to hang on for the next 5 worst habits.

P/S Sorry for this bashing-up, be assured that I’ll follow up with a post called “The Chinese’ 10 Best Habits”

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Oct 1 was China’s National Day (guo qing jie) and for 2009, China chose to showcase its armed forces in their full glory at Tian’anmen Square, culminating in the unveiling of its “giant nuclear-capable intercontinental ballistic missiles.”

The camouflage nuclear missiles, riding on 18 launch vehicles, rumbled past Tian’anmen Square and were reviewed by Chinese leaders and foreign guests.

The parade, marking the 60th anniversary (1949-2009) of the founding of the People’s Republic of China, reached a crescendo of excitement when the gigantic vehicles, each had 20 wheels, came to the center stage, carrying “remarkable symbols” of China’s defense muscle.

(Photos of the missiles are at: Xinhua News)

I wish that I were still in China to watch the national day parade on TV because we don’t have CCTV here and anyway, you get to see more through the local TV stations!

*****

When we first arrived in China, I didn’t know what to expect living in a Communist country. After all, life here is pretty normal.

When I saw the Chinese version of the “Uncle Sam Wants YOU” recruitment (or promotion?) poster, I was unfazed.

I was still cool when I see the occasional side car (or the Hummer below) on the streets when I go grocery shopping…

But I *was* impressed when I flipped through CCTV channels and found that they had a MILITARY channel! Not sure if it’s FOR the military or BY the military but the news broadcast focused on military updates mostly.

I love men in uniform but the male broadcaster doesn’t have the Richard Gere, John Travolta or Tom Cruise appeal

In comparison, the female news broadcaster looks pretty dishy . Don’t let the pretty face fool you – she could be just as lethal as Uma Thurman’s character in “Kill Bill”!

Then, I started to notice “military-themes” in everyday scenes around us e.g. the firemen gathered for a drill with 2-3 fire engines near some apartment blocks.

The boy’s preschool even held TWO fire drills (with a fire engine AND firemen) within just 6 months! When was the last time you experienced a fire drill with all the works?

(By the way, the fire chief approached me when I was snapping the photos on my mobile phone. I told him that my little boy LOVES fire engines and after showing him my photos, he relaxed and smiled. And yes, the boy demanded to see the fire engines AGAIN and AGAIN for at least a week!)

If you were impressed with the SUPER STRAIGHT files of the National Day parade, what do you think of these files below by supermarket staff? Every Monday, a flag-raising ceremony is held at major supermarkets and some organizations – we’d only have it in schools, right? They take it VERY SERIOUSLY.

*****

One day, Hubby’s colleague gave us a lift back home and I had the chance to walk through the underground carpark. Nothing interesting, right?

That is until you have to walk through THIS door to get upstairs.

The men were cool (they see it everyday) but when, I saw this, I was like:

“Oh my God! That’s a bloody door to a vault! The underground carpark is a bomb shelter!!!”

That’s when I realized just how “military” this Communist country is.

I see strong attempts to influence the children from young. My tall and highly-active boy is strongly encouraged in his physical activities (potential soldier!) at preschool.

I was amazed by his fascination with the Monday flag-raising ceremony in preschool (I hope it’s just a phase!). On the first day we were there, he immediately went to join the 4 “selected” older children who stood ramrod straight with their eyes raised before the flag!!!

The Principal just glowed with pride and went on to emphasize that ONLY the good, obedient children had the opportunity to stand there. She explained that this “xiao peng you” is still small but is already a good example

Seeing this, you can bet I hid away these military-themed Chinese preschool colouring books.

CHILDREN’S PLAYGROUND

We found this children’s playground by chance and I was dumb-struck by this “mini commando training ground”!

There was a slide and a tunnel but this tyre ladder? Looks very much like something from an army obstacle race or training course!

My little “Spiderman” was attracted to this chain ladder and wanted me to help him up it.

Despite it being quite tricky, he could climb up the chain ladder barefoot and he was encouraged by his first attempt to climb it again and again.

But I was tired and just wanted to sit and relax so I shoo-ed him towards the slide and tunnel where the kids were playing LOL

This must be where the current and future Olympic gold medalist gymnasts started their training!

I don’t like military-themes e.g. dressing children up in fatigues or letting them join in military-like activities e.g. Canada’s Kiddie Commando Exhibit.

Why and how could anyone market the military lifestyle as “fun” when there are child soldiers in countries like Afghanistan and Palestine???

An episode of “Army Wives” is enough to make one appreciate the challenges they face.

After a while, I started to accept the strong military presence as a part of our daily lives – the crime rate is low although it rises during the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) but we seldom hear of snatch thieves or break-ins.

Crime is still there e.g. rape, robberies and kidnapping but the incidence is low and the culprits are usually apprehended quickly based on the updates I hear from my Chinese-speaking friends.

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An Army officer lives on our floor and he is a fine example of one who “serves to protect and maintain the harmony”. One night, the boy was being *extra naughty* at dinner time i.e. not coming when I call and not eating what I fed. Hey, my cooking ain’t THAT bad.

Since the hot food was cooling down in the cold weather and I got so mad I threw him out of the apartment (we can still see him through the iron grille)! He started crying and I asked if he was going to eat his dinner when the Army officer appeared, checking on a potential case of child abuse…

The boy freaked out because the Army officer is tall and big and still in uniform! I opened the door quickly to let him in as he scrambled into my arms. Our neighbour was smiling but I told him:

“He’s being very naughty not to eat his dinner. Actually, he’s afraid of you now because he thinks you’re the police coming to catch him!”

Hearing this, he smiled apologetically and backed off, assuring the kid not to be afraid, told him to be good and that he’s leaving now. Hahaha, you can bet the boy behaved during during dinner that week

But I’ve also witnessed the Army’s brute force in implementing the law on the street vendors. Some of these errant small businesses extend their their goods’
display onto the common area i.e. the pedestrian walkway.

One day, I was shopping for something when I heard loud shouting and the shop owners frantically dragging or pushing the metal frames displaying bags, hair clips, clothes etc into their shop area.

Stepping outside, I saw army personnel, with a senior Private (?) leading the way, pushing down the metal frames that could not be rescued in time roughly onto the ground. They were also loudly shouting at the shop owners and writing out fines…

I’m all for law and order and the shop owners ARE in the wrong for obstructing the walkway with their goods but I didn’t like the way they handled them. But then, how do you handle stubborn people? The metal frames were back on the street the next time I went there!

While I felt relatively safer in China, I’m not sure I’d like to live under military rule. How about you? How do you feel?

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Guess the title says it all, doesn’t it? I started out wanting to make this a travel blog on China but with

• cooking,
• cleaning,
• cockroach killing,
• household appliance fixing,
• preschooling,
• part-time working,
• vege, meat and chicken marketing,
• grocery shopping,
• maid handling,
• packing,
• un-packing,
• season changing,
• sick-falling,
• doctor-chasing,
• patient-caring,
• butt-wiping, spoon-feeding, teeth-brushing, toddler-yelling,
• bedtime story reading,
• blog(s) updating,
• blog(s) hopping,
• chatting,
• emailing,
• headlines reading,
• Chinese learning,
• homesicking
  …and all other items on my growing to-do list, I am finally admitting that I’m spread too thin! (and remaining fat in all the wrong places)

What started out as my desire to share with you our sweet and sour experiences in China has turned out to be one D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-N-G, deadly dull blog about my illnesses, homesickness, unhappiness and what seems to be a Chinese-bashing center. I’m grumpy, grouchy and bitchy here. This is definitely NOT one blog I’m proud of!

Furthermore, I just *stink* at uploading and aligning photos in Wordpress. Each time I see my badly aligned photos and accompanying descriptions, the perfectionist in me just goes berserk!!! Try as I did in switching between “visual” and “html”, the posts still DON’T turn out as they are supposed to.

And…I just can’t get the “similar posts” plugin to work here!!!

Thus, I’m throwing the tea towel at Wordpress and turning it into a white flag, declaring “I Give Up!”

Thanks so much for your kind comments and patience with me. As you can see, babies and books make me happy, which bring out the better part of me

This means that the banana is on a blog break. Happy Chinese New Year!!!

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I was reading this article “Maid agents from hell” in The Star and wonder how my fate will be when we return after the Christmas and Spring Festival holidays…

Because our families have little history of employing maids or nannies, I have little experience with them. However, as a) I’m on my own here with an active and MESSY toddler and b) I have started working part-time, we agreed to take on a part-time maid.

From my brief experience, I can understand why our families do not hire maids because life is much simpler without one! However since I am on my own here, I do need some help…

The first was a lady from Sichuan. As she helps to clean house 3 times a week for one of the Malaysian men here, she agreed to help me 2 times a week. Because she has a full-time job that starts in the evening, she’s only free in the mornings.

Hourly maids here charge about RMB12/hour if they only ‘clean’ i.e. balcony, toilets, clothes, the floor and other surfaces. They charge RM15 if they can iron or help in the kitchen. Last year, this lady charged me RMB17/hr because she claimed that our 3-room apartment then was huge and we had 2 bathrooms and 2 balconies. Fair enough.

Because she’ll clean our apartment first and then the man’s apartment, she’ll work like Speedy Gonzales. Her strength lies in speed and ironing. However, she’s not very clean, thorough, gentle and would cut corners if she could EACH time unless I tell her EACH time.

Needless to say, she’s not an independent worker. And because she’s quite rough when she works, I hate having her around when I’m at home because I’ll have to listen to pot banging, water crashing and chairs squeaking as I TRY to concentrate on my writing, marketing strategy or other stuff I’m working on.

The second lady is from Fuzhou. She was from an agency I hired on the interim while waiting for the third lady. I enjoyed chatting with her about the Fuzhou or Foochow people and customs (my in-laws) but I believe my mother-in-law would be horrified and ashamed such a Foochow lady exists!

She is the most disorganized maid I’ve ever met! She’d load laundry into the washing machine but forget to put down the cover, which means it’ll beep loudly while she’s washing the plates. Dripping soapy water on the floor, she ran to put down the cover and then decide to take down the laundry from the line, leaving the dirty dishes in the sink.

That means I can’t even start cooking. After she kept the clothes, I asked if she could clean the kitchen so I could start the soup. Then, she went to clean the bathroom while the clothes are strewn all over the sofa. The floor outside the bathroom was flooded and when I peeked in, it didn’t look that clean or organized coz all the toiletries were haphazard and I think it looked worse than before she started!

After she folded the clothes, I noticed that they were not even in categories – Hubby’s, Lucas’ and my clothes were mixed together, tops and bottoms were mixed, small and large items were also put together. There’s simply NO logic to her folded piles and neither did they look neat!

She ended ‘helping’ me for 3 hours but for a week or more, Hubby and I were frustrated at how he’d find Lucas’ or my underwear in his sock drawer, his new socks is missing one foot, his super comfy lounge lizard clothes (to wear at home) are nowhere to be found and I find my PINK, girly-looking shorts among his clothes or Lucas’ football theme boy briefs among my panties!

This lady was very nice, kind and even had a professional namecard but Foochow or not, Hubby said a firm NO to her even coming back a second time LOL

I ended up maidless for a month plus and had to resort to lady No. 1 (who I had disengage when we returned this year) as I was waiting for lady No. 3

The third lady is from Guizhou. She was highly recommended by my Malaysian mum friends but because of a personal problem, she was delayed in her hometown. I agreed to wait for her for a month plus and found her a real help.

She’s neat, gentle, efficient, organized and has a lot of initiative. The first time she cleaned, the apartment was sparking clean and neat it could even form the backdrop of a magazine ad! Because she and her sister-in-law A help a few Malaysian homes, we trust them to clean in our homes even while we are out.

In addition to my apartment, she cleans apartment A and B in another housing area a bus ride away.

After she started 2 times a week at my apartment, house C in the nearby area was eligible where she helps 4 times a week. A few months later, she said her husband thought my apartment was not worth her time and Hubby increased her to 3 times a week.

Now, the family in house C has moved away, which means my apartment is even more unworthy! We had agreed that should I become pregnant, her sister-in-law would take her place as she cannot help me on a daily basis due to her commitment to apartment A and B on Mon and Fri.

As we’re going back to Malaysia soon, I discussed with her today (her last day) our future arrangements. She’s paid a full month’s salary for Nov, Dec and Jan although she ended up working only 3 weeks (Nov and Dec) and 1 week (Jan). After consulting with the other Mums, I gave her half a month’s salary as a bonus.

She was really happy and wished us a Happy New Year before going off to the other home. Then, she called me up to say:

a) she won’t help me in Feb as she may want to find a home who needs 4 times a week with longer hours
b) her sister-in-law may not return from the hometown in Feb (or Mar) but she’s keen to take her place at my home

I was flabbergasted and reminded her we’d discussed this earlier and confirmed it today. It’s unreasonable for her to leave me stranded in Feb when we return in the middle of winter! After all, it’s just a month! If she can help me in Jan, why can’t she help me in Feb???

I’m sure her new employer can understand she can’t let go of a home immediately? She said she can’t guarantee that the new employer will be as nice as us Malaysians…

I reminded her that I waited for her for almost 2 months! And it doesn’t make sense for me to increase her hours now since my apartment has only 2 rooms, 1 bathroom and 1 balcony. Plus, she can’t even cook or increase her time to daily if I became pregnant.

Although I know I can’t hold on to her forever, I’m quite pissed that she’s acting like a real pig for the month of February when we just come back and also, I’d committed to a project due end of February!

I’m also mad that she DID NOT mention anything while she was at my place. Also, right after getting her payments for 2008! Guess all that niceness and gentleness is all a show???

“Why couldn’t she talk to me about it when she was here? Why pretend that everything is fine and dandy when she had such opposite intentions?”

I have a mind to forget about having her help in January but then poor Hubby will have to do housework and iron all his work clothes. Since the poor guy will be working almost 7 days a week to replace the holidays for the Spring Festival, I’m sure he’ll appreciate a clean house and ironed clothes to go back to…

As I myself will be busy with the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) in January, I’ll need to work 100% in February – I need stability then! The last thing I need is having to train a new person who could be either like Lady 1 or 2!!!

Another mother and I had discussed about sharing her sister-in-law i.e. mornings at my place and evenings at her place. But with the latest development and her sister-in-law’s indefinite return date, I think I may have to try a new maid from one of the many agencies here.

Now, I *truly* regret waiting for her for 2 months because:
a) she will NEVER leave apartment A and B even though she’s tied 2 times a week and earns only about RMB800 from them as she’s indebted to them as her first employers (reason why she can’t commit more days to me even if she’s needed)
b) she’ll stick with now apartment C since she’s hired there 6 hours 4 times a week

I should have just tried out a maid from the agency…who knows, I could have found a nice permanent one whose hours I could increase should the need arises. In short, I was in a losing battle from the start because I cannot give this Guizhou lady more money!!!

Now you know what I want for a Christmas present or find in my Chinese New Year hongbao (angpow):

A trustworthy maid who can clean, fold clothes well and help in the kitchen without any drama or heart-stopping announcements!!!

What a lousy end to a beautiful day – I was THRILLED to get all I need for Lucas’ birthday party packs

Update: After a brief chat with a friend, she says it’s common for Chinese maids to either
a) call up after they leave your house to inform you that they’re leaving or
b) simply not show up the next day and call you later to inform you.

And all this without showing ANY signs that anything is wrong. Charming, isn’t it?

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Just when life is ordinary again, something else strikes. I’d just discovered that I’m not pregnant, our nice neighbours have moved out and now, Lucas has a fever and diarrhoea!

You know I cook everyday? On Saturday, I took a break and instead of Chinese food, we decided to try Western. We ordered pizza and spaghetti from a local chain. That evening, I had severe diarrhoea…

The next morning, Hubby had diarrhoea. Lucas was OK until late Sunday evening when Hubby said he had slightly runny poo.

On Monday morning, I couldn’t wait to drop him off at the school because it was the first day of my period and I’d been having giddiness this past month. However, he fought me all the way up to his classroom!

That evening, his kindy teacher called to tell me that he’d pooed in his pants. Poor guy…poor ayi…

Lucas reported the drama,

“Pants dirty! Lucas pangsai (Hokkien=pooed) ohh…shoes dirty! Oo sai (Hokkien=there’s shit)! Chee-cher (Teacher) take cloth wipe floor!”

Last night, he ran a fever of 38.4 deg C. Paracetamol is the hardest medicine to feed him – when I force it down with a syringe, he’d blow bubbles with each gulp! In the end, I had to talk to him again. He agreed but he wanted the PINK (Panadol) one, not the orange (Uphamol) one.

Like the last time, I find Panadol ineffective in bringing the fever down. I gave him 6 ml according to the instructions but halfway through the night, I still find him hot. I sponged him down and got him to drink water. A few hours later, I found his clothes damp from sweat – I changed them and dozed off.

This morning, he’s better but the fever returned. Because he has to eat something before I can give paracetamol, I’m frustrated he wouldn’t eat anything. He rejected:
- the delicious pork and liver porridge I made according to the recipe!
- a banana,
- pink jelly I made or
- the char siew pau or dim sum Hubby brought back from his dinner last night.

He’d only eat 3/4 of the miserable frozen maize man tou he sometimes have for breakfast. When he can read, I want Lucas to read this entry so he can see what a pain he is as a fussy eating tot!

It’s dinner time now and by hook or by crook, I’m gonna get some porridge down this little rebel…

God, it’s maddening dealing with a very NEGATIVE toddler!

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